LANGUAGE BARRIER

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HOW NOT SPEAKING MY FIRST LANGUAGE AFFECTED MY PERSONALITY

I recently had a moment of realization when I had a brief flashback of how I was experiencing myself and my being back in Germany. I saw this vibrant and naturally funny young person who literally didn’t give two f****s about how her peers perceived her. That person was speaking German and was confidently, eloquently and creatively playing with words and using them in her own way, never abiding by the rules with which those words where intended to be used. In a way, she had her own way of expressing herself that people found interesting. Her inspiration stemmed from the fact that she was raised trilingual, speaking German, Portuguese and Cape Verdean Creole, which broadened her horizons and the possibilities of how she could use words outside of their familiar context.

She had been speaking English since the fifth grade. She was relatively fluent in it, at least above average, since she had this affinity for languages. Fast forward about ten years and she finds herself living in the US, which, if you had asked her a couple of years prior to this, she would have never thought was possible. Now in the US, she struggles at times expressing herself exactly how she intends to. At times, frustrated that she doesn’t understand all proverbs or slang she encounters in certain situations, or the “insider” jokes or “simple” word play in group settings, she finds herself excluded due to the fact that she doesn’t catch on. In the beginning, she cut herself some slack, now after four years she ‘s much harder on herself.

 

 

The use and practice of  German and English language is very different most times. When she thinks of something to say in German and translates it into English, often times it just sounds rude or not as courteous. Furthermore, English is a very precise language and there are words for truly almost everything, whereas German is not quite as precise and tends to compensate that with being a descriptive  language instead of cultivating very specific words. Now imagine her translating from German to English and she doesn’t have the vocabulary capacity of an average English speaking citizen. In conversation, she finds herself talking very descriptively and the person that is talking to her gives her a shortcut, gives her the one word that sums up the entire two sentences she just spoke and she simultaneously realizes that she just made your life much harder. Or she has moments of confusion and a German word slips its way into the English phrase and she only realizes it after the person she is speaking to looks at her with a question mark over their head. The tools (proverbs, slang, etc.) she used in German were limited  or not available to her in English anymore. It’s almost like she has to learn everything from scratch.

 

It’s easy to learn a language when you are a child. I remember at times not understanding anything my neighbors’ kids used to say to me when I first moved to Germany. I also remember not feeling frustrated, I took it very lightly back then. Being an adult now, I thought I would pick up where I left off after immigrating. But it’s very much not the same. Whatever I had learned in Germany I can’t apply it here most of the time. Because of the courteous nature of the English language, I sound nicer and friendlier. I learned how to say what I want (even though it’s meant to be rude) in a nice manner. At the same time I am not quite as confident in my use of English. I experience myself differently now. I don’t use words recklessly anymore. I overthink literally everything now. And sometimes I would just much rather not say anything at all, just because I don’t feel comfortable expressing myself, fearing I may make a mistake.

 

I know it is going to take some time and cost me tons of patience. But I’m slowly working my way to that point again. Believe it or not, my four year old is a great help, since English is his first language, I learn a thing or two from him. And if I look back at how my mom did it when she first moved to Germany, without speaking a word and she still managed to adapt, then I guess I should be happy that I’m starting from a point of advantage. #lifeofanimmigrant

XO -Márcia